Why I Will Vote For Gloria

1. Cute sya. I think everybody will agree that she’s really adorable. That little munchkin, sarap talaga nyang kurutin.

2. She’s humble and apologetic. She knows how to say “I…am…sorry.” At “I also regret taking so long to speak before you on this matter. I take full responsibility for my actions and to you and to all those good citizens who may have had their faith shaken by these events. I want to assure you that I have redoubled my efforts to serve the nation and earn your trust…” Oh ha?

3. She’s natural. What I mean is that she’s not really vain when it comes to her looks. Ni hindi nga sya gumagamit ng whitening products. {click mo to para makita mo!} And her breast implants? Medical necessity po yon. . . Basta medical necessity, tapus!

4. She was not affected by popularity surveys. E ano ngayon kung mag all-time low? Sabi nga nya eh, “performance is more important than popularity.” Survey survey, hmph…puro naman ka-echuzan yan.

5. Galante sya magpa-dinner. “What? Wine? Then let’s order some wine. Waiter, give my friends some wine here please… No, not Fundador, you fool! We want your most expensive ones.”

6. She doesn’t say bad words in public. Excerpt from SONA: “If you really want something done, just do it. Do it hard, do it well. Don’t pussyfoot. Don't pander. And don’t say bad words in public.” Kaya para sa kanyang mga kritiko, don’t say such things as “P#@ж\*¤φ:-)! Patayin ang Gloria-forever Cha-cha!” in a rally tulad ng isang presidentiable-turned-vice presidentiable-dahil nagparaya-kaya-nabadtrip-ang-kanyang-diva-reporter-gf. Pwede namang sabihin yon sa mas marahan na paraan, katulad ng: “Oh my golly shucks! Let’s kill this Gloria-churva-forever Cha-cha! Go!” (teka, ‘no ba ibig sabihin ng pander? at bakit parang bad ang sound ng pussyfoot?)

7. Wala syang nakakainis na political ads na may mga linyang, “Koo-mus-ta?... Anak, itabi mo. Ako na.” At may mga kantang, “Akala mo conyo yun pala mali, akala mo trapo yun pala laking-Tondo. Sige lang sandal ka lang…tiwniwniwniw.” (O baka hindi ko pa napapanood. La kaming cable eh.)

8. She’s a good economist.

Georgetown University, 1964-66, AB Economics; Dean’s Lister
Assumption College, 1968, AB Economics Magna cum Laude
Ateneo de Manila University, 1978, MA Economics
UP School of Economics, 1985, Ph.D. in Economics

Tsinghua University, 2001, Doctorate Degree in Economics, honoris causa

Magaling syang humawak ng pera. Kaya nga lumobo ang yaman ng pamilya nila di ba?

9. Dagdag mo pa na she has a very supportive husband in the person of Atty. Jose Miguel Tuason Arroyo.

10. She was not convicted of plunder. Well, not yet anyway.

. . .

Ahmmm… ’no pa ba?

Hanggang dito na lang muna at baka sumakit pa ang ulo ko sa kakaisip ng iba pang risons.